I have been studying for my APs these past few days and I have learned something.
1. how to take the intergral on my calculator
2. that Ming is amazing
3. Kite Runner is good so far.... only on chapter 8
4. I still can't memorize AP US facts......
5. I love studying at Barnes and Nobles.
I probably have learned more but I enjoyed myself today hanging out with my boys. I went downtown with some people and had fun there too. I love getting to know more people. I guess people just fascinate me. Just hanging out with them just makes me understand myself better. I was truly happy there. That moment I felt like I was a person. It is weird..... but I don't know how to say it or explain this feeling. The feeling of being human, the feeling of belonging, the feeling of love, the feeling of friendship, the feeling of trust, the feeling of stress, the feeling of being Reina......
Just in that weekend.......
I haven't blogged in awhile, but I miss it. I worry that I will forget this year. But I sure won't forget this weekend because I think it was one of my happiest weekends....... to tell you the truth. I won't forget all the people I got closer to. Through all the stress and work, they were there to support me. And of course people were cheering me on to become a cheerleader!!!
SO BRING IT ON!!!! Bring all the AP exams, IB exams, all the obstacles I can overcome because I have everything I need right now!!!!
HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A GREAT WEEKEND
Sad to say, but this weekend was the last time I'm doing my oratory for this year. I miss it and I miss everyone who were in my rounds. They kept me going even though they still scared the crap out of me because they were just THAT amazing. I'm proud to get this far, but I think that other people deserved to make it too. Either way or the other, I believe that all forensicators are champions in my eyes. I'm very proud for all the people who made it to Nationals and everyone who found a piece/wrote one and put all their effort into it.
This weekend was amazing. I got to hang out with all my forensics people and I truly did enjoy myself this year. I got to meet new people and feel the experience of being SUPER SUPER nervous. I guess forensics ended well for my junior year and I got my 1st trophy since my sophomore year.
Well, maybe just maybe I can go to nationals next year. <3
This weekend was amazing. I got to hang out with all my forensics people and I truly did enjoy myself this year. I got to meet new people and feel the experience of being SUPER SUPER nervous. I guess forensics ended well for my junior year and I got my 1st trophy since my sophomore year.
Well, maybe just maybe I can go to nationals next year. <3
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Ni Hao Kai Lan!
I love babysitting little kids for 2 reasons
1. I just love them
2. I get to watch all the amazing little kid shows
Today I was watching Ni Hao Kai Lan with a girl that is 4 years old. Of course she wasn't really paying attention to the message and just watching it. I really loved the message it gave me though. I guess I can still be a little kid at heart, and watch it with excitement, but it was different when you are older. The message was everyone has something special. Kai Lan told me I did, but I didn't know what it was.
This brought up an OO I saw at the Southside Tournament. It was about someone being special and everyone is special. I really didn't pay attention to the message at the time, but when I thought about it I guess being yourself is what makes you special. No one ever told me I was special as I was growing up. No one told me I was smart or dumb. It felt like I was just like everyone else minus the big eyes and the not black hair. When I was young, I didn't understand why I was a girl with small eyes and black hair. Either way I was still different from everyone else and I guess I didn't like it when I was little because people made fun of me.
Now that is over, I still kind of feel like an outcast from my school. I'm not that "book smart" compared to everyone else, and I don't feel like I'm gifted anymore. Being gifted is a normal thing at my school with all the IB kids. I don't fit in. I don't belong...... but Kai Lan gave me a little hope. She made me smile at the end when she said that I was special because I made her heart feel super happy. Ok...... it may seem dumb to gain hope from a little kid show, but she did do a good job.
So I left getting something from watching Ni Hao Kai Lan. I may not belong, but I try to make everyone's heart feel a little bit happier. I may not succeed, but I try because everyone else always try to make my heart feel super happy. Rintoo at least found his specialty which was running fast. Maybe just maybe I can find my specialty, but Rintoo will beat me at running no matter what I do because he is just that amazing.
1. I just love them
2. I get to watch all the amazing little kid shows
Today I was watching Ni Hao Kai Lan with a girl that is 4 years old. Of course she wasn't really paying attention to the message and just watching it. I really loved the message it gave me though. I guess I can still be a little kid at heart, and watch it with excitement, but it was different when you are older. The message was everyone has something special. Kai Lan told me I did, but I didn't know what it was.
This brought up an OO I saw at the Southside Tournament. It was about someone being special and everyone is special. I really didn't pay attention to the message at the time, but when I thought about it I guess being yourself is what makes you special. No one ever told me I was special as I was growing up. No one told me I was smart or dumb. It felt like I was just like everyone else minus the big eyes and the not black hair. When I was young, I didn't understand why I was a girl with small eyes and black hair. Either way I was still different from everyone else and I guess I didn't like it when I was little because people made fun of me.
Now that is over, I still kind of feel like an outcast from my school. I'm not that "book smart" compared to everyone else, and I don't feel like I'm gifted anymore. Being gifted is a normal thing at my school with all the IB kids. I don't fit in. I don't belong...... but Kai Lan gave me a little hope. She made me smile at the end when she said that I was special because I made her heart feel super happy. Ok...... it may seem dumb to gain hope from a little kid show, but she did do a good job.
So I left getting something from watching Ni Hao Kai Lan. I may not belong, but I try to make everyone's heart feel a little bit happier. I may not succeed, but I try because everyone else always try to make my heart feel super happy. Rintoo at least found his specialty which was running fast. Maybe just maybe I can find my specialty, but Rintoo will beat me at running no matter what I do because he is just that amazing.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
WOOT!! NEW POST!!
I GOT MY IB BALL DRESS TODAY!!!
It was very fun and I enjoyed it. Today was a good day for me. YAY!!!!!!
I made money and I got a dress......... how can it get any better? well.... actually it can.
Lately I've been doing better in school which is good!
I'm proud of myself for bringing my grades up. I'm still struggling in AP US History but I'm getting there. Nothing interesting has happened.
WOW...... I'm totally not in the mood to blog which is weird.
I started to knit again which is a lot of fun. I'm almost done with my scarf. I just have to finish this white section.
Drama is alright. I still need to memorize a few more lines.
I'm starting to really love this song called LOVE STORY by Taylor Swift. I don't know why, but it is a fun song to sing to.
Summary of today in one line!
" This was just one of the those happy days where nothing goes wrong, but yet you are still worried if tomorrow is going to be one of those NOT happy days."
It was very fun and I enjoyed it. Today was a good day for me. YAY!!!!!!
I made money and I got a dress......... how can it get any better? well.... actually it can.
Lately I've been doing better in school which is good!
I'm proud of myself for bringing my grades up. I'm still struggling in AP US History but I'm getting there. Nothing interesting has happened.
WOW...... I'm totally not in the mood to blog which is weird.
I started to knit again which is a lot of fun. I'm almost done with my scarf. I just have to finish this white section.
Drama is alright. I still need to memorize a few more lines.
I'm starting to really love this song called LOVE STORY by Taylor Swift. I don't know why, but it is a fun song to sing to.
Summary of today in one line!
" This was just one of the those happy days where nothing goes wrong, but yet you are still worried if tomorrow is going to be one of those NOT happy days."
Friday, January 16, 2009
AHH!!!! GOT STEPPED ON BY A MONSTER!
2009 didn't kick off with a good start....
making B,C,D's in my classes.... luckily I'm passing but.. I really don't want to say that.
I want to say luckily I have a 93 or something I feel proud to say.
But I don't have anything to be proud of.
I took this from another person's blog but it reflects how I feel and who I am.
Have you ever wondered what happened to the happiness you used to have, who took it away, where it went, what freak is keeping you chained to the wall, teasing you, dragging it's tongue over your eyes, grinding your face into the dirt over and over no matter how many times you try to stand up again and walk and find the life that somehow left you?
Have you ever wanted to be loved more than anything else on the face of the earth, but no one seems ready enough to love you, and if they are, you are so convinced that you are the most worthless, disgusting person in the world and can't believe them?
One of my top goals in life is to find happiness. Yet, getting all these horrible grades even if I try hard really makes me sad. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I want to hang out with friends but deep down I'm thinking I have to read an AP US chapter or study for Calculus. I've been giving up more and more each day. I stuff my face with food because it seems like that is the only thing that makes me happy. The only thing that I can find pleasure in just that one moment. But that one moment isn't enough because later I feel guilty eating so much food. I feel like I'm on life support. Hanging on to each and everyday just to stay alive. Just to live a little bit more. Yet that willingness to live isn't enough. Suffering, getting shots, tubes down your throat. I want to live, but sometimes maybe dying would be more pleasurable.
I do feel like the most worthless, disgusting person in the world. Sorry I have no self confidence. Come on..... If you had my grades you wouldn't either. I sometimes have this feeling when I get that AP US test back that people don't need to see the most worthless, disgusting person. Their life might be more enjoyable. I really don't love myself. What have I become? What have I become?
So today, as I cry driving to the chiropractor, thinking how stupid I am and telling myself all these bad things. I still have the will to live. I really don't know how much will I have but I sure have some. Ok, I sometimes do want to die, but that is just stupid of me to kill myself. I guess this is the real me, yet I don't want it to be. I want to be confident, smart, bold, strong, yet...... I'm not. That's reality. Yet, I stay away from it. I hide , I run away, from the evil monster of reality. But it keeps on chasing after me trying to eat me, stopping on all my dreams, on all my goals, and mostly myself.
reality = GODZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
making B,C,D's in my classes.... luckily I'm passing but.. I really don't want to say that.
I want to say luckily I have a 93 or something I feel proud to say.
But I don't have anything to be proud of.
I took this from another person's blog but it reflects how I feel and who I am.
Have you ever wondered what happened to the happiness you used to have, who took it away, where it went, what freak is keeping you chained to the wall, teasing you, dragging it's tongue over your eyes, grinding your face into the dirt over and over no matter how many times you try to stand up again and walk and find the life that somehow left you?
Have you ever wanted to be loved more than anything else on the face of the earth, but no one seems ready enough to love you, and if they are, you are so convinced that you are the most worthless, disgusting person in the world and can't believe them?
One of my top goals in life is to find happiness. Yet, getting all these horrible grades even if I try hard really makes me sad. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I want to hang out with friends but deep down I'm thinking I have to read an AP US chapter or study for Calculus. I've been giving up more and more each day. I stuff my face with food because it seems like that is the only thing that makes me happy. The only thing that I can find pleasure in just that one moment. But that one moment isn't enough because later I feel guilty eating so much food. I feel like I'm on life support. Hanging on to each and everyday just to stay alive. Just to live a little bit more. Yet that willingness to live isn't enough. Suffering, getting shots, tubes down your throat. I want to live, but sometimes maybe dying would be more pleasurable.
I do feel like the most worthless, disgusting person in the world. Sorry I have no self confidence. Come on..... If you had my grades you wouldn't either. I sometimes have this feeling when I get that AP US test back that people don't need to see the most worthless, disgusting person. Their life might be more enjoyable. I really don't love myself. What have I become? What have I become?
So today, as I cry driving to the chiropractor, thinking how stupid I am and telling myself all these bad things. I still have the will to live. I really don't know how much will I have but I sure have some. Ok, I sometimes do want to die, but that is just stupid of me to kill myself. I guess this is the real me, yet I don't want it to be. I want to be confident, smart, bold, strong, yet...... I'm not. That's reality. Yet, I stay away from it. I hide , I run away, from the evil monster of reality. But it keeps on chasing after me trying to eat me, stopping on all my dreams, on all my goals, and mostly myself.
reality = GODZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The year of a nagreboshi
My favorite thing to do at night......... is look at the stars. Sounds so....idk how to describe it, but it is. My dream house is going to have a glass ceiling so I can just see the stars. I'm awake driving home at 12 am thinking to myself WOW the stars are GORGEOUS tonight. I stand outside for awhile just looking at them. Looking for Orion's belt, the bigger dipper, the little dipper, and other constellations I know.
This year, 2008, has been like a nagreboshi this year. What is a nagareboshil? It is shooting star in Japanese. It has gone by super fast. Seems all like a blur. Yet full of wishes. I've been wishing a lot this year. One of my good friends asked me what my New Years resolutions were. I replied I really don't have one. She asked me why? and I replied I don't know. It ended right there. I wish for simple things yet those are small, but a new years resolution, I didn't know what to do. Yeah the usual do better in school, work harder, lose 20lbs, those kind of things but those are the same each year and this is A NEW YEARS resolution. I guess my new years resolution is to understand. This year especially has been a confusing year. Full of questions and not understanding any of our school work.
Like my old post, I'm always driving along on the road watching how everything is going by super fast. The stars, the trees, the houses, the other cars, and most of all myself. It doesn't seem like I'm moving yet the outside is moving like crazy. This feeling of speed isn't what I wanted in 2008. I feel more crushed for more time. I need to figure out who I am still. I need to figure out what I want to be. If I don't get this soon, how am I supposed to figure out a major. I've been emotionally weak this year. I thought I was getting a little stronger but yet I'm not. I haven't been crying but....... I feel more lost.
Take a step outside, look up, and look at the stars. They stay still. Just that one moment. It felt like time stopped. Just me and my wishes. I haven't seen a nagareboshi before but at that moment I felt like one. A shooting star flying through the night. No where to go, rarely seen, and yet shines.....
Happy (early) New Year and have a great 2009
This year, 2008, has been like a nagreboshi this year. What is a nagareboshil? It is shooting star in Japanese. It has gone by super fast. Seems all like a blur. Yet full of wishes. I've been wishing a lot this year. One of my good friends asked me what my New Years resolutions were. I replied I really don't have one. She asked me why? and I replied I don't know. It ended right there. I wish for simple things yet those are small, but a new years resolution, I didn't know what to do. Yeah the usual do better in school, work harder, lose 20lbs, those kind of things but those are the same each year and this is A NEW YEARS resolution. I guess my new years resolution is to understand. This year especially has been a confusing year. Full of questions and not understanding any of our school work.
Like my old post, I'm always driving along on the road watching how everything is going by super fast. The stars, the trees, the houses, the other cars, and most of all myself. It doesn't seem like I'm moving yet the outside is moving like crazy. This feeling of speed isn't what I wanted in 2008. I feel more crushed for more time. I need to figure out who I am still. I need to figure out what I want to be. If I don't get this soon, how am I supposed to figure out a major. I've been emotionally weak this year. I thought I was getting a little stronger but yet I'm not. I haven't been crying but....... I feel more lost.
Take a step outside, look up, and look at the stars. They stay still. Just that one moment. It felt like time stopped. Just me and my wishes. I haven't seen a nagareboshi before but at that moment I felt like one. A shooting star flying through the night. No where to go, rarely seen, and yet shines.....
Happy (early) New Year and have a great 2009
Saturday, December 27, 2008
WHAT A DAY!!!!!!
Lucky me!!
Today I felt really lucky! A lot of trouble with my friend and bad things happening to her. I always feel like I can put some of her trouble on me to be a good friend. Yet, all I can seem to do is say I'm sorry, I hope you feel better, It is ok. What can I do?!?!
I was reading this passage for the SAT >.< and it was talking about how one girl says OMGAH I forgot to take my pills to show that she has a disease. She likes the attention, yet she gets it using subtle clues. The narrator also wanted that disease so she could get the attention also. I understood her feeling because I've always wanted that too. Yet, I usually want to take the pain away from my friend. When my friend got into a wreck and hurt her mom, I wish I could have been her, so she doesn't have to be in that pain. Yet, I wanted to be in some wreck so I can understand her feelings. So I can be a better friend..... I've always wanted really crazy boy problems, so I can understand my friend when she has trouble with her bf. I do sound selfish..... but I want to be a good friend, and I hate seeing people suffer. I've been really lucky......I have...... I really haven't suffered. I feel really fortunate. Listening to people's stories.... I feel really really really fortunate. Yet, deep down I want a challenge. The only challenge I seem to have is school work....ok...... maybe the challenge of loving myself first.
All the people out there reading my blog, I'm here for you! You can talk to me about anything... I might not give the best advice because I probably haven't gone through a lot of things you have, but I can try. I will try to give you the best advice I have. And of course, my parents aren't going to read this, but I'm lucky to still have them beside me all healthy and happy =D
I will blog soon about NEW YEARS!!!!!
Today I felt really lucky! A lot of trouble with my friend and bad things happening to her. I always feel like I can put some of her trouble on me to be a good friend. Yet, all I can seem to do is say I'm sorry, I hope you feel better, It is ok. What can I do?!?!
I was reading this passage for the SAT >.< and it was talking about how one girl says OMGAH I forgot to take my pills to show that she has a disease. She likes the attention, yet she gets it using subtle clues. The narrator also wanted that disease so she could get the attention also. I understood her feeling because I've always wanted that too. Yet, I usually want to take the pain away from my friend. When my friend got into a wreck and hurt her mom, I wish I could have been her, so she doesn't have to be in that pain. Yet, I wanted to be in some wreck so I can understand her feelings. So I can be a better friend..... I've always wanted really crazy boy problems, so I can understand my friend when she has trouble with her bf. I do sound selfish..... but I want to be a good friend, and I hate seeing people suffer. I've been really lucky......I have...... I really haven't suffered. I feel really fortunate. Listening to people's stories.... I feel really really really fortunate. Yet, deep down I want a challenge. The only challenge I seem to have is school work....ok...... maybe the challenge of loving myself first.
All the people out there reading my blog, I'm here for you! You can talk to me about anything... I might not give the best advice because I probably haven't gone through a lot of things you have, but I can try. I will try to give you the best advice I have. And of course, my parents aren't going to read this, but I'm lucky to still have them beside me all healthy and happy =D
I will blog soon about NEW YEARS!!!!!
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